i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
