he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
