Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
