I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
