Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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