I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
