i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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