All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
