So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My pussy is not your playground.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My vagina just clenched in fear
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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