i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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