you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
