the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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