I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
