Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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