We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
