My cat gives me a boner
i think i have two assholes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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