I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
