so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
