Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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