Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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