he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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