Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
