last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
