I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
