I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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