i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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