Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
