she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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