I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
