I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
