I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
NoShamevember. You game?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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