we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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