So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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