Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
