Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
