Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
