I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
