you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
