I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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