i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I am naked and annoyed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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