Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
