guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
