The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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