my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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