Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
