he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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