Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My feet surprised me
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