he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
