Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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