Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
