why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
