Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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