White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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