I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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