Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
