yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
